Happy 11th Birthday to Me!
I was born in August but I celebrate April 21st like it’s my birthday.
On this day 11 years ago, I was dangling from the end of my rope when I made a seemingly random decision that nobody, including me, saw coming, and it changed my life.
I decided to read the Bible - the whole thing - to find out what it actually says instead of what people say it says.
At the time, I thought I had God issues, but what I really had was a molar-grinding grudge against some of his followers and the rules they create and enforce particularly for gays, women, the poor and black, indigenous and people of color. (Author and former SBC Evangelist Beth Moore has publicly arrived at a similar conclusion.)
I was tired of the talking heads and their relentless confusion about what’s American culture and what’s God, but I was so stuck. I figured what did I have to lose by reading the bible on my own? I had read every self-help book in the world, and they were great, but whenever I took my eye off the ball, I’d forget what I was supposed to be doing.
So as mad as I was at certain corners of the church, I made myself a deal:
I would spend an entire year reading the Bible, and if at the end I didn’t believe it was the inspired word of God, I wouldn’t.
Porch. Coffee. Bible. Pen.
On April 21, 2010, I sat down on my green front porch in West Texas, gazing over my vegetable garden, and read this:
After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace [who imparts His blessing and favor], who called you to His own eternal glory in Christ, will Himself complete, confirm, strengthen, and establish you [making you what you ought to be]. 1Peter 5:10
So many of us are waiting for a thunderbolt moment, but this wasn’t that. It was more like a fresh awareness, a breeze of possibility that blew through my mind.
I got up, jotted that scripture down, and stuck it by my bed. Sitting there, still a little stunned, I said out loud, to God and myself:
“If that scripture is true, it’s not my job to figure out who I’m supposed to be. It’s yours, and I just have to follow you.”
Here I am 11 years later, sitting on my porch in Florida with my bible and coffee, knowing deeper than I know anything, there is no going back, because He, Jesus, has the words of eternal life.
Where would I go?
Here’s why this matters.
Turns out, God is making me a woman who helps other women out of darkness into His marvelous light. That’s it. That’s my job here. That’s my purpose.
And once I got really clear on that, which BTW is not a quick or easy process, I understood better what vehicles God has parked behind the shop to help get me there: Writing. Coaching. Speaking and Retreats.
Of course, I had to learn how to do all of that, but basically, that’s it.
I can drive those vehicles anywhere I want, as fast or slow as I want. As long as it’s in line with helping people out of darkness into light, it’s on purpose for me.
However, 11 years ago, I really could have used a guide, someone who’d walked this path before. Someone who understood that purpose is a process, not an event. I had that in Jesus, of course, I still do, but man it would have been nice to have a girlfriend along.
So I built it. I am that girlfriend.
What I built is a course called the Meaning of Midlife because what I was going through 11 years ago, was the start of my midlife deconstruction - entering the chrysalis, so to speak - I just didn’t know it.
Some of you are in the same place right now.
Your old strategies don’t work anymore. Some relationships and situations feel like too-small shoes. Your high-achieving perfectionist self is burnt to a crisp. You’re tired and anxious all at once and scared of wasting the second half of your life.
Good news. That’s normal. It signals your move into the afternoon of your life. Many women don’t even know that’s a thing. It is.
If that feels daunting, I get it, but we can help. The next round of the Meaning of Midlife begins in May. If you’d like to get on the waiting list and be notified when it opens, just reply here and we’ll keep you posted.
In the meantime, you can find out more info here.
Happy 11th to me!
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