You Can Be Sad & Grateful

In the midst of the Coronavirus, has some well-meaning person said to you: “I mean sure you’re sad, but at least you still have your job.”

Or worse, have you said to yourself: "I’m super sad about X and that’s stupid because I should be grateful I still have my job.”

The words “should” and “at least” are the waving red-flags of spiritual bypassing.

Spiritual bypassing is a popular trend, whereby we use spiritual ideas to sidestep or avoid unresolved emotions, psychological wounds, or unfinished developmental tasks.

It's sneaky because it sounds kind of holy and good.

Gross. It’s not. There’s a better way.

King David wrote in the Psalms about being surrounded by his enemies and so embattled, in such despair and so depressed that he soaked his bed with tears, AND he praised and thanked God anyway, expecting full deliverance.

That is the exact opposite of spiritual bypassing and it is HEALTHY.

"Yes, the problem is real AND it feels terrible AND I chose to thank God in advance for His skillful handling of it.”

I think spiritual bypassing, as a practice, has become popular in America because, in the moment anyway, it's easier, and also, it sells. How many "good vibes only" t-shirts have you seen?

Of course, good vibes are a great idea because bad vibes ARE contagious, (think complaining, selfishness, victimhood) but I think the Law of Attraction accidentally taught us that someone else’s pain is a contagious bad vibe, and we need to quarantine it before it gets on us too.

Oh crap, she's sad, I don’t want to get sad, lemme help her shut that down: “Well, at least you have your health.”

Then we invite shame into the room and our sad friend thinks: “Of course, how can I be so ungrateful? What’s wrong with me?”

Instead, try sitting with your sad friend, listening quietly, and witnessing whatever she says without trying to fix it or accidentally making her feel selfish for being sad about Coronavirus.

If you’re really good, have exquisite timing and she feels safe, you might even crack a little joke until she finds herself laughing through her tears.

This is the art of being human guys, and it's the path to emotional honesty and wholeness.