What Is Your Question?
As a person who listens for a living, here’s one thing I know for sure:
You don’t need me to tell you what to do. You need me to ask you a question that reveals the truth you already know.
However, the questions we ask ourselves can be even more powerful. Some of them work for good and others for evil, so it’s important to know which is which.
A teacher of mine is fond of saying “You believe more of what you hear yourself say than what anybody says to you,” so if the dominant question of your life is “Why am I so stupid,” odds are, you’ll never feel smart - even if you are.
Perhaps you’re thinking, “That’s obvious Erin, nobody really talks to themselves like that.”
Wrong. People talk to themselves like that all the time reflexively, unconsciously, and for some, it’s a defense mechanism: “I'll be meaner to myself than you can ever be so you'll think twice before piling on."
Do me a favor and for the rest of the week, pay attention to the questions you ask yourself and be amazed at how you poison your own well.
WTF is wrong with me?
Why can’t I ever get this right?
Why am I so awkward around men?
Why are my eyebrows so lame?
Why don’t I ever get a break?
Notice none of those questions can be answered because they don’t have answers, and their premises are mostly untrue. You can bet if you talk to yourself like this sitting across from me, I'm going to ask some more questions.
What does a non-lame eyebrow look like? Who says?
Have you really never gotten this one thing right, ever?
What’s wrong with feeling awkward? What can you do about that?
What do you mean WTF is wrong with you? Say more.
Are the lights coming on? Is your face flushing? Is there a growing sense in your belly that perhaps you should pay better attention to your own questions? Good.
Now, that we have the evil gremlin questions out of the way, what are the good questions you ask yourself? What is that one question you ask yourself again and again even if you don’t have the answer? What’s that question that just won’t leave you alone?
Chances are that one is pointing at your purpose.
Forever, the question that wouldn’t leave me alone was this:
How do I make my life matter?
Once I started answering that question, I discovered that my purpose in life is helping you get into yours. I make my life matter by helping you do the same. It’s so meta, but it’s true.
So your big question matters a lot because it’s God’s way of throwing breadcrumbs and leading you toward his purpose for creating you. You’ll likely have more than one question over the course of your life, but for right now, what is it? What won’t leave you alone?
How do I raise kind, conscious children?
How do I leave the world better than I found it?
Why do people abuse animals and how can I make that stop?
What can I do about systemic racism and move the justice needle in my lifetime?
Notice how all those questions are other-focused? That’s because your life purpose can’t just be about feathering your own nest, because after a time that gets boring. Your purpose is always about giving, creating, and loving because we’re made in the image of a generous, creative, and loving God.
I’m curious to know what your question is. What’s that one thing that just won’t leave you alone? Drop it in the comments.