3 Ways to Feel Better About You.
It’s time to start thinking about words like clothing.
Some of you are wearing clothing someone else gave you and you’ve never considered if you even want to wear it. Some of you have completely forgotten who gave you those clothes and you think you bought them yourself. Some of you don’t know you can take ugly clothes off and run around naked for a while until you find something better.
The words you speak and those spoken over you should be as thoughtfully considered as the outfit you put on this morning. Just as the clothes we wear signal something about our identity so do the words we speak and those that have been spoken over us.
Want to feel better about yourself? Check your outfit.
Some of you say (or think) things to yourself that you would NEVER say to someone else. That has to stop because thoughts become things.
I am not enough.
I am too much.
I’m awkward.
I’m dirty.
I’m unworthy.
It hurts me to write that because it’s garbage, but the point is this: Whatever follows the words I AM… has a huge impact on how you feel and what you‘re able to accomplish. It’s what you consciously or unconsciously accept as your identity, and your identity is everything.
For example, if you are working to get healthy at the New Year and your dominant thought as you lace up your tennis shoes is “I am an athlete” and “I can do hard things” (thanks Glennon Doyle for that mantra) you’re more likely to push through when things get hard.
Conversely, if your pre-run thought is “I’m not a runner” or “I am pretty lazy” you’re unlikely to stick with your training plan or go again tomorrow.
That’s because thoughts become things.
How do thoughts become things?
You have a thought that remains in your head unchallenged. “I’ve failed at a running practice before because I’m lazy and never complete what I start.” You think because you thought it, it’s true. Not necessarily. You have an enemy of your soul and an inner critic, so don’t believe everything you think. Challenge your thoughts just like you would an ugly 1970’s blazer someone gave you to wear.
A thought you think over and over and collect evidence for becomes a belief system. “I have all this evidence of all the times I sucked at running, therefore…I AM not a runner.”
Your belief systems inform the kind of action you take. “I AM not a runner” will produce what kind of action? Usually little to no running because we’re terrified of failing. (See more on that here.)
If you take little to no action, what kind of results can you expect? Little to no success at becoming a runner.
But what if you conditioned thoughts about yourself like:
I am enough no matter what, even in the face of new or hard things.
I am capable.
I am worthy.
I am loved by God.
I am strong and courageous and I try new things all the time because life is an adventure and my comfort zone is small and boring.
If thoughts become things and those were your thoughts, what kind of results do you think you’d see then?
Three tips for feeling better about yourself in the New Year.
Recognize old, ugly clothes. When you recognize the old garbage running like a cd on repeat in your head - take that thing out of the player and scratch the hell out of it. Ridicule that old story, poke holes in it, list all the ways in which that story is or may be false.
Buy new clothes and wear them. Pick a new story that is either demonstrably true or somewhat aspirational for now. Pick one that is empowering at a profound level. If you’re a follower of Jesus like me it might sound like I am accepted, deeply beloved, and born with a purpose.
Stop comparing yourself. Manage your relationship with social media. That boiling cauldron of comparison and self-loathing tricks us into voluntarily comparing our bodies, our families, our vacations, and our businesses to what others present online. Most of us internalize the inadequacy we feel as a result without ever challenging its origin. Maybe stop putting those clothes on at all.
When you say the words I AM… what typically follows?