Resolutions Slipping? How to Get Back on Track.
Why even bother with New Year’s resolutions anyway? Change is hard and people kind of suck at it. So why does hope spring eternal in this particular human behavior?
The reason is profound.
But first, a story.
“Be the change you want to see in the world,” is one of Mahatma Gandhi’s most famous quotes. Unfortunately according to this guy, he didn’t actually say that. What he really said is even better.
“We but mirror the world... If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.” - Mahatma Gandhi
If this is true (and it is) getting healthy, out of debt, and growing in love and patience isn’t just a cute self-improvement project; it’s a revolutionary act, and are you going to argue with Gandhi about that?
So let’s tighten up your resolutions, shall we?
What to do when your goals are off track? Three things:
Check the size of your goal/resolution. Goals don’t fail as much as they erode, and if it’s too big, your nervous system will take note and prime you to quit more quickly.
“Uggghhh dammit,” is not a great way to start your three-mile run. It’s not sustainable and your brain and nervous system know it, but a one-mile run-walk might feel ok and become something you can build on after you’ve built the habit. BTW - nobody gets the gold medal right out the gate, so what do you think you’re doing anyway? It will help you quit quitting if you simply accept that little steps, taken regularly over time, even if you feel clunky and slow at the beginning, is the way forward.
Check your specifics. Skip the stories. If the goal is vague, it’s toast. Simple as that. I want to be healthy and lean is not the same as I want to run a 1/2 marathon in Yosemite in May, which is an outcome that makes very specific the level of healthy leanness required.
See the difference? Make sure you have a specific metric, so you can manage the goal and celebrate when you achieve it.
Also, WHY am I running a half marathon in May? Because I want to climb Mt. Blanc in August on my 50th birthday and benchmarks help. You can’t imagine how many people have told me I can’t do that because I’m going to be 50. That’s why I’m doing it silly. I am an athlete.
BTW - which story help me most with the climb? I’m an athlete or I’m almost 50? Both are true but one of them is empowering.
Choose your stories wisely.
Remember, process over outcome. OK yes, I say all the time that knowing your outcome is essential, but once you’re clear about it and have a plan for getting there, embrace your inner Stoic and recognize not all things are under your control. So keep your eyes on the prize, and do your work. Loosen your grip and enjoy the journey, which spoiler alert, is the whole point anyway.
Who you become in the process is almost always more satisfying than the goal itself.
ps. This is the kind of thing we teach in our 3-month flagship course The Meaning of Midlife. If you’re struggling to get unstuck, on purpose and back into joy and impact, reach out and book a free breakthrough call here.