Fabric
This has been a hard week to be a woman in America. No matter the political issue, it can be easy to believe there are only two ill-fitting views available - left and right - into which we must squeeze. But that’s such a lie. In the live, in person, real world, there is nuance and curiosity, grace, and kindness.
Last night I went to a gathering of about 30 women hosted by my church, Legacy House in Pensacola. The little sandwich board outside their front door on Sundays tells you what you need to know about them. It reads: “Relax, we’re going to love you.”
This church doesn’t hold signs, they hold hands.
This meeting was not about Roe v. Wade, it was just a bunch of women gathering to share what God has done in our lives - otherwise known as testimony. Unsurprisingly, most of the stories were about babies, loss, hope, and redemption. It’s incredible how much empathy you can generate for a stranger just by hearing their story- what a gift that is.
As I listened to people talk, I felt my own heart soften and was reminded of just how good stories are when we have the courage to tell them. However, Sunday at church isn’t really the time for that is it? I mean we put on a dress, say a few hellos, spend 10 seconds greeting those around us after worship, listen to a sermon and go home. Maybe not the best time to bring up your depression.
That’s Why We Need Groves.
Did you know some of the tallest, oldest trees on earth, the Redwoods, have a shallow root structure? They don’t topple over in storms though because they live in huge groves and their roots grow toward each other. Those roots get connected and tangled creating a powerful underground network. Pause and calmly consider that.
Put another way, there’s a reason why it’s called social fabric. People like Pastor Bethany and Pastor Curtis get it and are busy creating gentle, inviting spaces where people can weave themselves with others to make something strong and beautiful.
How to Make Fabric.
I started Love Dinner in 2013 for this very reason. I was a transplant in another new place and was feeling like a lonely string of yarn. I connected with a crew of women on a trip we took to Africa and realized that if nobody made of point of getting us together when we got back, we wouldn’t.
We met at my house in Texas for years and since then Love Dinner has happened all over the United States, in Europe, the UK on a ship in Africa - lots of places - and it has the beautifully uncomplicated vibe of something directed by the Holy Spirit.
Today, I’m going to encourage you to become a weaver by hosting a Love Dinner of your own. Here’s how to do it step by step.
Did you know that forty percent of American adults say they don’t have a single friend outside their family they can confide in? That tenuous rootlessness, I believe, causes much of the anxiety and depression in our culture.
Plus, there’s shame around loneliness. When you ask people how they are, they’ll say “busy” when they really mean lonely, but they’re ashamed to admit it. So the problem festers and grows like any hidden wound.
Many cultures around the world wonder how Americans function being so isolated. We reach for our phones don’t we? How’s that working? Look around the next time you’re in an airport. This is the real pandemic.
So Be Brave.
The hardest part of hosting a Love Dinner is having the courage to do it.
Inviting someone into your home is not like meeting at a restaurant. It’s a statement of friendship and solidarity because it’s intimate. That’s why Love Dinners happen in our homes.
Of course, you get to risk that people won’t come, or it will be awkward or you’ll burn the nachos.
But don’t forget someone you invite is likely a member of the 40% and you’re doing them a kindness by giving them somewhere to belong. Who cares if you burn the nachos if you spell the end of loneliness and isolation for someone - maybe even yourself.
Do you know what happens to depression, anxiety, fear, and inertia at Love Dinner? They dissolve like sugar in hot tea, because humans are designed to do the hard things of life together, not alone.
So why not put one on the books and let us know how it goes.
ps. The Meaning of Midlife, our flagship course, is on hiatus but we’ll fire back up in late August. Love Dinner is the sort of thing we teach and then do, so if you want us to let you know when we open the course back up, click here.