You Are Already Enough.
Before this morning I didn’t know who Cheslie Kryst was.
I do now, and my heart is so heavy for her, her family, and all the women who are plastering on smiles to hide their fear of inadequacy, irrelevance, and imposter syndrome.
Of course, I don’t know why she took her life this morning, but at the prompting of my assistant, I read some of her writing from 2019.
How I wish, as a coach and an older woman, I’d have bumped into her on a park bench when she needed a word. I suspect Cheslie thought she was alone.
She’s not.
Dear Cheslie,
I wish I could have taught you how to challenge your own thinking about your value because you’re so much more than your incredible beauty and your vast achievements. You, Child of God, could sit on your ass for the rest of your life and you’d still be loved and worthy because you’re already enough.
I wish I could reframe aging for you by showing you what midlife done well looks like, and how much fun you can have “failing” your way toward a life of authentic fullness and joy.
I wish I could have helped you define what living on purpose looks like for you at 30, regardless of what “the industry” says. You were on the scent.
I wish I could have invited you into our community of world-changing women, who are defining themselves rather than letting our sexist, ageist, racist society do it for them.
I wish I could have asked you who you are outside your history and the roles you have played and then invited you to find the real answer.
Rest in peace dear.
Ladies, Listen to me.
Your identity is, and always will be, an inside job. Stop waiting for the world to validate you because it won’t. Imposter Syndrome and its attendant behaviors happen when we abdicate our responsibility for creating our own powerful identities and let someone or something do it instead.
Popular culture will teach you you’re only as good as your last achievement or your body weight and if you believe that, you’ll run yourself to death.
No. No. No.
Instead, establish who you are, condition it and then go live it as an example. If you don’t know how, get some help and then get out of your own way, so you CAN BE AN EXAMPLE TO YOUNG WOMEN LIKE CHESLIE!
Younger women need us midlifers to bring our smart, whole, wise experienced best selves to the game - not giving two shits if we have crow’s feet, of course, we do! They need to see us showing up with intention and boldness, with our business handled. Or better yet, they need to watch us handle it in real-time. There are examples of this everywhere.
Every time we stop giving a damn about crow’s feet and care more about things like character, courage, humility, boldness, we teach those who come after us to value things that actually matter.
And that’s when culture changes.
Most of all, right now, people need us to be available. Engaging them. Listening to them. Mentoring them. Loving them.
Helping them know they are already enough.